A New Resolution?

The EDGE program begins most weeks with an introduction to the idea of “delayed gratification”, the virtue of forgoing immediate pleasure, or pain relief, in exchange for accomplishing a goal, which will be worth any temporary discomfort one experienced along the way. Studies show that delayed gratification is one of the most effective personal traits of successful people. People who learn how to manage their need to be satisfied “in the moment” thrive more in their careers, relationships, health, and finances than people who give in to it.

Being able to delay satisfaction isn’t the easiest skill to acquire. It involves feeling dissatisfied, which is why it seems impossible for people who haven’t learned to control their impulses. Choosing to have something now might feel good, but making the effort to have discipline and manage your impulses can result in bigger or better rewards in the future. Over time, delaying gratification will improve your self-control and ultimately help you achieve your long-term goals faster. When we apply delayed gratification successfully in the short term, there is a cumulative increase in our confidence, which can prove beneficial in multiple areas of our lives. For example, in choosing to apply ourselves to studying in our free time, we might not only improve academic performance, but may also begin to see ourselves as more competent, increasing our self esteem beyond the good feeling of doing well on an exam.

This isn’t a matter of morality or character, so much as it is hard brain science. This is good news because we all have huge potential for change. The “Marshmallow” experiment in the 1960s studied the connection between patience and life success. To simplify, they took a bunch of kids and put them in a room and put a marshmallow in front of them instructing them that they can either eat the marshmallow straight away or they can wait until the instructor returns and get two marshmallows.

Most of the kids ate the marshmallow straight away. Some of them managed to wait and were rewarded with a second marshmallow. But the interesting thing about this study is that several years later, when the kids were in high school, the scientists checked in with the 650 participants to see how they were doing in life. They asked them questions around their capacity to plan and think ahead, their ability to “cope well with problems” and get along with their peers. They also requested their S.A.T. scores and tested their IQ and measured their BMI (Body mass index).

Here’s what crazy thing they noticed:

“The children who rang the bell quickly, seemed more likely to have behavioral problems, both in school and at home. They got lower S.A.T. scores. They struggled in stressful situations, often had trouble paying attention, and found it difficult to maintain friendships. The child who could wait fifteen minutes had an S.A.T. score that was, on average, two hundred and ten points higher than that of the kid who could wait only thirty seconds.” The takeaway could be that self control is dictated by our DNA, but this isn’t the point. The better analysis would be that improving our ability might hold rewards FAR BEYOND what seems like a simple new years resolution.

I will share my personal experience with losing weight in 2017, before I dove into reading about psychology, brain healing, and counseling studies. I was working evening shifts that had me leaving work between the hours of 10:00 pm to 2:00am (I don’t recommend that for anyone, but you gotta do what you gotta do!) and fell into the habit of driving straight to a drive through after work virtually every night. This had gone on for a year, and I had gained no less than 50 pounds. I had to focus heavily on getting past those fast food temptations, and wait until I got home to eat something healthy. It was literally PAINFUL at times. I was literally addicted to the fast food on may levels, even emotionally. I couldn’t even fall asleep without it for a while.

After a few weeks, the weight began to fall off and I do not struggle with my former “fast food drive through” addiction at all anymore. Years later, I simply don’t think about getting fast food after work. My brain “rewired” itself to expect healthier food. I began to recognize the strength gained from delaying my meals for thirty minutes to an hour, in order to eat something healthier. This changed my relationship with eating, which had become poisoned by compulsive late night comfort food. The secret formula for me was not yielding to temptation during my drive home for work.

So, is it hard to do? This thing called “delayed gratification”? Yes, it can certainly be hard. However, many of us know that not being able to control our short term impulses can carry consequences more painful than we anticipated, and also have a negative cumulative impact on our self esteem. This is also very hard as well, and can send us into more destructive cycles to alleviate the loss of confidence. “So, if its hard either way, why not choose “the hard” thing with the greater reward,” a friend once said. “Choose your hard”. “Choose your hard a day at a time,” is my general conclusion. Good luck and happy New Year.