Feeling the Love this Christmas?
Not feeling the love at home over Christmas break? It may be a language barrier.
If you don't feel the Christmas spirit of love and understanding over the holidays, it could be down to a relatively common problem: You and your spouse and/or teens may be communicating love and devotion in ways the others simply doesn't understand as love. Over the holidays especially, this can cause a huge amount of tension. If, for instance, you prefer your expressions of love gift-wrapped but your partner shows their affection by cooking and doing household chores, you may not understand that dinner actually means they love you. In turn, they may not appreciate all the tender thoughts that went into picking your gift for them. No one likes to feel like they let a loved one down, and all things emotional are amplified during the holiday season. Learning each others love languages, can greatly improve how you relate to others. It can even simplify your holiday shopping, as you learn that people like to receive “gestures of love and appreciation” (aka gifts) differently. For example, spending hours shopping for a perfect piece of jewelry for a wife who would prefer to simply spend a long Saturday together, is not only an expensive endeavor, but it is perhaps not sending the message your hoping she would receive from the gift.
According to author and scientist, Gary Chapman, there are five love languages, each with its own vocabulary. We all give and receive in a love language, and which one we speak and prefer is often related to our own childhoods. There is no reason to over analyze, or wish to change, our own or others love languages, as one is not better or worse than the other. The five languages are as follows:
Gift-Givers: If you feel most loved when your other half buys you jewelry, takes you on vacation or brings you flowers for no reason, then your primary love language is probably Gift Giving.
Physical Touch: If you feel down when your not greeted with a hug, your love language is most certainly Physical.
Words of Affirmation: Do you prefer your love on a card, in a text, email or phone call? If words are your favorite way of being appreciated and communicating affection to others, then your primary love language is Verbal.
Quality Timers: If you prefer others show their love wordlessly, without touch or gifts and all you want is for them to switch off their phone and take you for a long walk, then Quality Time is most certainly your preferred language of love. You show your love by showing up.
Acts of Service: If you would feel most loved if someone picked you up from the station, cooked you a meal, ironed your shirt, emptied the dishwasher, vacuumed the house, and washed your car, preferably all on the same day, then Acts of Service is your love language.
I highly recommend finding out what your (and your spouse’s) primary love language is. If you're lucky enough to already be speaking each other's love languages, that's great. If, however, you and your spouse are speaking completely different love languages, it's really worth spending some time and energy learning to show them love in ways they understand, and teach them how you'd like to have love shown to you.
And, unless your partner specifically asks you to do otherwise, no matter which love languages you each speak, and irrespective of how much household help you employ, try doing your fair share of the domestic chores this Christmas - and thank your other-half graciously for doing theirs. I promise it will make for much more harmonious holidays.
Finding out our individual love languages is very easy and fun to do, requiring no psychoanalysis. Click the link below to take the “Love language test”. Your teens can take the quiz, as well. Have fun improving your relationships. https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language