The Importance of Gratitude for Teens
Being thankful does not come natural to us as humans. We tend to focus on the negative and the unfair or challenges. Life has its hard moments and they stick better in our minds than the positive ones. To stay aware of positive things in life takes intentional effort and mindfulness. This is true for teens and adults alike.
In working with teens at The EDGE program, we know that teens are especially bent to focusing on the discomforts and hard parts of life. The amount of complaining that happens in a classroom is actually quite astounding. “Do we have to read this book?” “It’s not fair that they got a longer break than me…” “Why didn’t John get in trouble for doing the same thing I did…” It is truly an impressive amount of complaining and whining. Some of this certainly comes from being immature and younger. However, much of this is a perspective and outlook on life issue.
What is interesting in working with teens that complain, is that their parents also complain. It is definitely not surprising. Teens do what they see others doing, especially those closest to them. The main reason for a lack of gratitude and thanksgiving is having a victim mentality. A victim mentality is when a person focuses on all the negative things in life and then blames those things on other people or circumstances outside of their control. It is taking a passive approach to one’s own life.
Some examples of this mentality in life sound like: “I would have been good at school, but the teachers were mean to me.” “I would have been a star athlete if the coaches didn’t play favorites.” “The judge was out to get me so I lost my license.” Unfortunately, we hear these phrases from teens and their parents. The blame or issue in all these types of situations is cast at others entirely. There is no acknowledge of the student’s lack of effort in class or on the sports field. There is no acceptance that decisions have consequences, regardless of the judge. It is impossible to be truly grateful while embracing this victim mentality. So what do teens need this Thanksgiving season?
Teens need to be challenged to have a new perspective. They need a perspective that takes ownership for their own decisions and chooses to see the positive things in life. This won’t be easy, but is necessary. Where will teens learn this perspective? From parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors. So, in whatever role teens look up to you, make sure to model this attitude of thanksgiving. Be focused on the positive things to be thankful for and take responsibility for your own actions. By teaching teens to do the same, they will learn to have a different perspective from their peers. Not only will this new perspective help them to have significantly more joy, it will also set them up for successful living.
So this Thanksgiving, express your gratitude and encourage a teen to take a break from complaining, adopting a new emphasis of thanksgiving.