It’s your job to know.

Here we are. We are in the second month of 2021, and we are still wearing masks. We are still in the midst of a pandemic. I’m still working on my quarantine 15 and many students are still doing virtual learning.

For the first time in their lives, most students have a laptop in their possession. A device that can put the entire world milliseconds from their fingertips. In our current learning environment, this is a blessing for many, as multiple laptops would be out of question for families with multiple children. We only had to purchase one laptop for our oldest, but it still hurt (families with multiple children, I see you).

As with anything, while intended for good, there is obviously potential for these devices to be used for bad. Regardless of what “acceptable use” policy is signed, temptation is just a click of the mouse away. Each program we’ve taught this year has had at least a handful of students that enjoyed web games on their Chromebook while we were teaching (I’m a mom. I see all the things.). As many found a home on YouTube, and some just enjoyed the Notepad feature (as an aside, I’ve seen some really awesome artworks created in Notepad. Who knew?). In addition to having the good parts of the digital world at their fingertips, the bad parts are there too.

I can’t speak for each and every school that distributed laptops to their students. So, with that in mind, know that the things I point out are not specific to any one school, any one school system, or any one family. These tips are good pointers for any family that has students (public school, private school or home school) that have access to digital devices, be it a smart phone, a laptop, a desktop, a tablet, or even a smart TV or video game system. If your child, regardless of age, has access to a web capable device, listen (or read) up.

It is your job to know what your child is doing online. (One more time, but louder for the people in the back.) IT IS YOUR JOB TO KNOW WHAT YOUR CHILD IS DOING ONLINE.

And, why is this your job? Because for everything good that is on the internet (I’m thinking cat videos, memes, the weather and shopping…), there is equal, if not more, opportunities for your child to be involved in not so good things. According to the website Fight the New Drug (which deals with the epidemic of pornography addiction), the average age of first exposure ranges from 8-years-old to 12-years-old. In a crowdsourcing post of theirs, some users admitted to being exposed as early as six.

It is estimated that 92-percent of males under the age of 18 have been exposed to pornography, while about 62-percent of females of the same age have.

The truth of the matter is, especially at a younger age, when exposed to images such as hardcore pornography, kids are unable to separate the pain, dominance and violence from the sexual act. As we say in The EDGE, the more times you see something, the less of a “head turning” effect it has on you. It only makes sense that as these children are repeatedly exposed to violent sexual encounters, it increases the likelihood they will attempt to repeat what they are seeing, leading to an increase in sexual coercion and pressure to do things sexually. Pornography separates the sex act from the bonding, intimacy and love involved, and replaces it with fear, pain and hurt.

And that doesn’t even touch the problem of sexual predators that are literally lurking around every preverbal corner of the internet, waiting to take advantage of unsuspecting and overly trusting kids and teens.

How can parents protect their children when so much of our student’s lives are now being lived in front of a screen (btw, thanks for that, Covid-19)?

Many parents are unable to add programs or software to the laptops assigned to their students. That means most children are left on their own with full access to the internet with no way to be held accountable by their parents or guardians. That means many of these internet devices cannot be monitored with programs like Covenant Eyes or Qustodio (both on my recommended software list). That means screen time limits cannot be automatically controlled. And it also means that in a world where too many teens spend too much time looking at a screen, we are now putting them in front of a screen for school.

So, what’s a parent to do? First, set boundaries and standards for device usage in your home. I would honestly suggest that school-supplied devices be used only for school. Want to watch YouTube? Not on a school computer. Want to hop over to addictinggames.com and smash some zombies? Not on a school computer. Set well defined guidelines for usage of school computers and devices.

Another good boundary (even for personal devices) is to only allow usage in a common area of the house. This provides multiple benefits. First, kids are less likely to visit questionable sites if there’s a chance someone can look over their shoulder at any time. And no, this isn’t spying. This is being a responsible parent.

Second, having a standard that devices are to be used in common areas will actually help your kids sleep better. Studies have proven that device use prior to going to sleep actually affects the production of melatonin, that great chemical that helps us fall asleep and stay asleep (anybody know when I can start giving that to my youngest?). In addition, just having a device (primarily a phone) within arms’ reach affects the quality of sleep throughout the night. Have a device bed time and place. “Tuck” them in each night in the living room or dining room, and let them rest until morning. Teens already aren’t getting enough sleep, and this simply will help.

Finally, for those that are capable, there is monitoring solutions that can be added to the router end of the internet, rather than the device end. This will still give parents and adults the ability to monitor and limit internet usage while connected to the internet at home. While it doesn’t provide the same safety net that is available with monitoring software on the actual device, it does help at home.

I love my children, and that love means I want the best for them. As much fun as it is to be my children’s friend, that’s not my job. My job is to protect them, and help them to build a strong foundation now that will protect their relationships in the future. And sometimes, that means doing the hard things, like setting specific screen usage boundaries. Our job is to equip them to face the world and be successful in the future. And the best way to do that is to protect and educate them now.