Gold-Medal Parenting

Earlier this summer, I sat down and turned the television on before my kids were in bed. That rarely happens, but our schedule was so messed up at the time, sometimes I don’t know what day it was, or even what time it was. And with my youngest who was (and actually still is) boycotting sleep, sometimes I don’t know if the sun is coming up or going down.

But, this day, I was well aware of what time it was. I had been looking forward to 8 pm EST time for DAYS. Because that’s when the Magnificent Seven would take the stage.

Every two years, I watch more television in two weeks than all the year before. Because it’s the Olympics, and that’s what we do.

I was 12 years old in 1996. The Olympics were in Atlanta, and that was honestly when my consuming love of the Olympics began. So when this year’s event was postponed to 2021, to say I was disappointed would be an understatement. In fact, I think I may have shed a tear or two, and a little part of me withered inside. But there’s a reason NBC is the best for sports, and they stepped up to the plate and starting re-airing historic Olympic moments. And honestly, what is more historic than Kerri Strug landing a gold medal vault on sprained ankle with two torn ligaments?

So there I sat, reliving a moment from so many years ago, and in a weird twist, my kids were experiencing it with me. It was magical, exciting, and made me feel just a little bit old (“Mom, why is the picture on the TV so weird looking? Like, it isn’t clear and looks fuzzy.” That was a top of the line broadcast image in 1996, son.) And it taught me something.

Guys, I’m not going to lie. I’m pretty selfish when it comes to some things. It’s incredibly humbling to admit, but it’s true. I don’t really like help in the kitchen because it takes more time and normally means there is more mess, I don’t really like the older kids to feed the baby because, again, more mess, and at the end of a long day, I don’t want to answer a bunch of questions while I watch a sporting event from 24 years ago. I just want to relive the awe and excitement. But then I realized I could share that. There was plenty to go around.

The quarantine had hard moments for us, especially when a tornado completely upended my husband’s work schedule, causing him to leave home before the sun came up and often not return home until after the sun went down. So when you add in three stir-crazy kids, one toddler that doesn’t sleep, working full time and inability to go anywhere, my selfish tendencies went sky high. But when I was finally able to slow down, I realized it was hard on my kids too. And their desire to leave no space between us and cram around me on one end of the couch was just their way of finding security and comfort.

To say we are in “unprecedented times” and “no one has experienced this in their lifetime” seems a like something you are supposed to say on repeat right now. We all know that. And we don’t need to be reminded every time we turn the TV on that toilet paper is hard to come by and everyday products are behind in production. We get it. Thanks.

But what we do need to be reminded is that our kids are looking to us to steady the ship. And they may need a little more intentional interaction.

While I was sharing my thoughts and stresses with my husband one night, he suggested something that seemed so simple but has really started to make a difference in our home. He suggested each day, we make it a priority to spend focused, individual time with each kid. Even if it’s just 10 or 15 minutes, setting that time aside for our kids to have us all to their own allows them the opportunity to become grounded (not “in trouble” grounded, but “well balanced and sensible” grounded).

And it really has made a difference. My kids aren’t competing (as much) for my attention any more. And when they are overwhelmed, me being overwhelmed in my response doesn’t do much to offer them any security. Remember when the boat is rocking, they need us to steady the boat, not to add to the chaos.

I don’t have teens yet, but I can only imagine it looks similar with them. While they may not want to play a game of animal dominos like my kiddos did, they need to have their boat steadied as well. Maybe that looks like letting them pick a movie to watch together, going on a walk together, or even asking them if they have a favorite meal they would like to learn to cook. Help them. Be present.

As I watched the rerun Olympics, I was amazing by how many things have changed. Gone are the days of big bangs and really puffy scrunchies. Gymnastics routines of 1996 pale in comparison to what athletes can do today. The music is different, the rivalries are different, and the broadcast is much better. But some things are still the same, and other things will never change. Our kids look to us as much now as they did then. And we’ve got to decide to go out there and do it again, even if we aren’t sure we can stand on our own two feet. Our kids are looking to us to stick the landing.