Busting at the Seams

I have four children. I don’t think that’s a lot. I grew up one of four, as did my husband. And honestly, part of me would love additional children, but the rest of me recognizes that pregnancy is not kind to my body, and I honestly probably couldn’t handle another one. But I love children, and I’ve never considered four kids to make up a “big” family.

Sure, we have to travel in a mini-van, or an SUV with third row seating. And we take up more than half a row at church. And we don’t go to theme parks because I want to be able to pay for some of my children’s college education. But I don’t think we are a “big” family. But according to comments I receive, I certainly have my “hands full,” I’ve got my own sports team, and there must be a lot going on in my house.

I was reading an article recently about a prediction that experts are calling a Covid Baby Bust. While most people expected to see a baby boom nine months after the stay-at-home orders and lock downs due to the Covid-19 pandemic, what researchers are actually seeing is a decline in pregnancies and births. With our birth rate already well below our population replacement rate, a baby bust could have unknown consequences.

So, what is leading to a lack of childbearing? Really, it’s multiple things. Many of those younger than 40 have said they are delaying childbearing due to the uncertainty of the times. Living during a pandemic and witnessing the financial insecurity that comes with businesses being shut down has caused many to question if having a child is a wise or healthy choice.

Others are incredibly concerned with the overpopulation of the earth and don’t want to contribute to this potential environmental issue. Others are getting married later and are therefore having children later. Some see the physical toll a pregnancy can take and don’t want to risk it, and some just don’t like kids.

But I think this baby bust is much deeper than a pandemic, pockets, the environment or later marriages. I think it has more to do with the selfish state of our society, and if being a parent has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t be selfish (at least not all the time).

We live in a selfish, instant gratification society. And both of these are in direct opposition to what it means to have children.

First, pregnancy is a long 40 weeks. And it’s uncomfortable. And then there’s labor, and years before parents get to really experience the reward of parenting. It starts with sleepless nights, blowout diapers, crying and a lack of communication. Parenting a newborn or toddler really isn’t a whole lot of fun most of the time. It takes years to get to that point. That’s delayed gratification. And it’s hard for us as a society or a culture to see the benefits of marriage, family and children in the future.

I never realized how selfish I was until I had children. Even now that I’m well into my 30s, I have selfish moments when I don’t want to read the same book for the fifth time in a row, or I don’t want to get up in the middle of the night to look for a lost stuffed lion. Our culture does not celebrate or even promote the sacrifices that it takes to be a parent. In a lot of cases, we’ve put more value on things instead of people. Even in my life, I’ve selfishly gotten frustrated when a kid asks for just one more hug before bed.

My family is not perfect. My kids are loud. The love to go without shoes and often ask a lot of questions. They sometimes make a mess at a restaurant. They have big emotions that can make activities and even other people uncomfortable. But regardless, I choose to put my selfish ambitions aside (most of the time – it is still a struggle sometimes), because true love wants the best. And what is best for my children is that they feel safe and secure and loved.

It’s estimated that the Covid baby bust could result in between 300,000 and 500,000 fewer pregnancies in the coming year. We may not know the impact of that for years to come. But we can certainly see the affects of instant gratification and selfishness every day in many of the choices we make. So tonight, I think I’ll try not to get frustrated, and be thankful my kids are asking for one more hug.