Social Media

I must admit, at times, I default to social media too often. It’s not that I’m necessarily being “social,” but I scroll. A lot. I look at old houses on Instagram. I watch cake and cookie decorating videos. Ok, I watch A LOT of cake and cookie videos. And I look at pictures of cute kids and pets.

I spend a lot of time talking with students about being safe on the internet. I discuss what information is ok to share and what information is actually too much and could be dangerous. And I talk to parents too, encouraging them to be aware of what their kids are doing online, and what they are exposed to. I suggest parents know passwords, and even do random device checks to see what apps their kids are engaging with.

But, I’m guilty. Maybe not of overexposing myself on social media. But I do put my kids out there. A lot.

I recently came across an article that was sent to me by an organization I follow. Found in the online magazine “Fast Company,” I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. But as I read the words written by a 13-year-old eighth grader, I was humbled and convicted.

You see, her parents set rules, much like I encourage parents to do. In their house, you didn’t have a smartphone, or any social media sites, until the age of 13. And I think that’s a good policy. And this young girl didn’t seem to mind, though she admits she frequently wondered what her older sister and mom were posting and laughing about. When she was granted the privilege of having social media accounts, she was shocked at what she found.

As she began to explore this new world, she said it only made sense that one of her first stops was her mother’s profile. And what she found left her feeling embarrassed, violated and betrayed.

“There, for anyone to see on her public Facebook account, were all of the embarrassing moments from my childhood: The letter I wrote to the tooth fairy when I was five years old, pictures of me crying when I was a toddler, and even vacation pictures of me when I was 12 and 13 that I had no knowledge of. It seemed that my entire life was documented on her Facebook account, and for 13 years, I had no idea.”

The girl does go on to add that she knows her mother had no ill intention and was simply sharing cute and funny moments with family and friends. This young girl’s mom and sister were not sharing what most would consider “inappropriate” pictures and information. The betrayal she felt wasn’t because her personal information had been shared, or an inappropriate picture was making rounds, but something completely different. She couldn’t balance being denied a social media presence of her own when, thanks to her mother and sister, she had a presence for years before she even logged on.

Discovering this, she felt she had no control over her own digital footprint. And after all the advice and information she had received at school regarding being safe on the internet, she felt her safety had been compromised by something she didn’t even do.

Ultimately, the girl asked her mother and sister not to post anymore without her permission, and they both have complied with her wishes. And this young girl simply decided social media wasn’t for her, as she had plenty of opportunities to connect and actually talk with friends in and out of school. She’s moved past the feelings of betrayal and being violated, and is simply enjoying life as she prepares to enter high school.

This article was really hard for me to work my way through. Because I’m that mom, except, I’m probably worse when it comes to my own kids. While I am very conscious of the information I put online, and the pictures I share are out of pride (and sometimes simple embarrassment that I’ve been outsmarted by my own kids), I have given each of them a pretty hefty digital footprint before they are even old enough to log on. And when my kids are old enough to be responsible for their own digital footprint (though, honestly, my husband and I haven’t even decided what age that will be), how will they feel knowing that a big portion of their lives has been lived out on a worldwide scale?

Maybe some celebrities are on to something. It’s becoming more and more frequent to celebrities to avoid posting pictures of their children on social media. You may see the back of the head, or the small foot of a newborn, but in many cases, that’s it. And while I think it’s probably more of a safety measure than a cognitive decision to avoid giving their child a digital footprint, it might be a lesson worth taking.

I’m not saying it is bad as parents to share and be proud of our children, but I think there are things we can do to be responsible with the digital footprint we leave for our children. First, I do think it is important for parents to be aware of how much time they spend on social media. Facebook even has the option for users to set a limit of how much time they use Facebook, and the app will send reminders once that limit has been reached. Though it doesn’t make the app inaccessible after the time limit, it is a step in the right direction for online accountability.

Additionally, there are other monitoring apps that do allow you to set hard and fast time limits. While these are mostly intended for parents to monitor usage by their children, there’s no reason you can’t set the same standards for yourself.

Next, ask yourself why you want to post what you are posting. For many of us, I bet our motivation is found in feeling accepted by the number of likes or comments our post garners. We feel like we are being seen and heard, and when someone mentions how cute or funny our kids are, there’s a sense of pride that allows us to think “Oh yeah, I made that.”

But, seriously, consider your motivation. Are you posting a picture of your kid because it’s actually something you are proud of, or are you posting it because it will make people laugh? Make sure your posts show respect for those you are posting about.

Also, I think it’s important for us as parents to choose reputation over entertainment. Sure, kids do say the darnedest things, but there’s a chance that those words or pictures you post will follow them for a long time. I know I would hate my husband to post a picture of me first thing in the morning, or worse yet, one of me sleeping and drooling all over my pillow. So then if I wouldn’t like it, why would I think my kids would like it?

Finally, it’s never a bad thing to ask permission, even if you are asking your kids. Just think of the foundation that you are laying for their digital footprint. If all they ever know is that mom or dad or older sister shows them a picture and asks if it is ok to be posted, how will that impact things they post of others in the future or even of themselves?

Social media is a tool, and it can be used for both good and bad. I’m able to keep up with cousins that are on the other side of the country that I honestly never had a relationship with prior to Facebook. My in-laws can see my kids as they grow and play sports or excel in whatever they decide. But it’s important that I don’t live my life completely on social media, and just as important that I don’t live my kids’ lives on social media. There’s a balance, and if you find it, let me know.